So let’s bullet point the changes:
- August and September stayed steady. Then alcohol overtook a friend and literally derailed his life, mine, and more.
- It led to him burning down his life (so to speak) at the end of 2021 (violence, car wreck, job loss, DUI, lies, rehab, relapse, more). His decisions have impacted me to the point that I am now almost through planning to leave my very high-paying job with the company that I sold to. I don’t care about the money any more. I just need to be in a place where I am free. A place where there is no possibility of me taking care of or living the life of anyone other than just me.
- My friend remains in prison until mid July and I am doing everything in my power to erase the world that was here before which enabled him to nearly kill himself. He, on the other hand, seems to be oblivious to the fact that I will no longer support him financially in any way beyond his first week home. I will break the news gently – and he will have to understand. If he drinks – and blames it on me – so be it. I am not an alcoholic and I will no longer enable one.
- My marriage has begun recovery, our rental house is sold, and my husband feels that there is enough money in the bank in the first time since forever.
- I’m heavily remodeling our second home and have been spending as much time alone as possible. This has made time at home so much more tolerable. I am realizing that this is probably because I am much less angry than I’ve been in the past.
- I am currently burning sick leave (which cannot be paid out on exit), there has been too much 1:1 time, so I am happy to escape to the south with the heat and the sun and the hours of the mid-day that only crazy people venture out into.
- I am not going to dye my hair any longer. It’s dyed dark brown and is now naturally platinum so that’s going to be…noticeable.
- My husband’s best friend has finally disclosed he has terminal cancer, though we’re still not sure what his timeline looks like. This is a huge blow in that it’s not fair, my husband has so loved spending time with him, and it’s just ugly. The only possible positive of this is that I now have my husband’s full attention when I say “You do not know what turns your life will take and you cannot be sure you’ll be here until you’re 98.”
- I’ve awakened the past week for the first time since my brief stint out of the workplace in 2001-2004 with the knowledge that I have enough time to do anything I need to do at home. I can take on projects, leave them half done, and return to them at will. I am no longer afraid of anyone leaving me because I know what that is like already – either emotionally, physically, or mentally. That sums it up – I’m not so afraid.
- I’m not sure when my actual retirement date will be, but I will not allow it to be later than Nov 3 – and I’m shooting for August 3. Most of my work is delegated to others for 6 weeks while I’m out and my intention is to not reclaim any of it. Proof positive that life can and will go on if I exit this job.
I am making a calendar to bring myself back to journaling and to other lost projects (music, crafts, languages) that I’ve not had time for. I’ll do better.