So yesterday, I let go, at least for now, of both my identity as a business owner/woman and of a friendship of nearly 7 years. Why? Lots of reasons:
- Both were draining me of my happiness most of the time.
- Both were occupying my thoughts most of the time.
- Both were causing me unreasonable distress and I could not change one thing about either of them.
- Both were literally costing me more than I was getting back from them.
- Both were feeding my issues with co-dependency.
- Both were making me feel inadequate almost all of the time.
All decent reasons. I’m not saying I won’t go back to work again given the right team and moral compass. Or that I won’t pick this friendship up again if the friend is willing to engage in a mutual reciprocity that is normal in good relationships and has less flat out abuse to dish out when impaired. But for now, I need to close these books without reading the rest of the pages or writing the rest of the stories. I’m not burning the books, just putting them on the shelf. And this feels right.
I am struggling this week to stay busy – even planning for Europe has a little less appeal to me for some reason – feels like work. I’m going to spend even more time flying through Babbel’s French lessons in hopes that I can understand some of the French that we’ll be encountering. As for Rome, I just can’t learn Italian right now – so I’ll have to settle for being a typical tourist. That’s ok – I really want to do some touristy things this first time.
Still not making time for exercise. Not sure what my mental barrier there is, but I can’t spend my days snacking for sure. Next week I’m called to Jury Duty (why they want someone hearing impaired is lost to me, but I’ll show up and let them know).
I think I’ll get a flu shot today. Just can’t bring myself to endure the 2nd COVID booster yet – no telling how hard it might be.